The Monster Within
by Taloolah P
Summary: This is the prequel to Memories. Carlisle is battling to become the kind of vampire he can accept but the monster inside is fighting to get out. set pre twilight Carlisle x Laurent rated M for later chapters
1. prologue

**A/N: I had the idea for this sequel for a long time but I just haven't been able to write for a couple of months now. I'm not saying my muse is back but I'm taking it one day at a time. Anyway I hope you like the idea of this story and I aim to update at least once a week. There isn't any smut in this chapter but fear not there is smut in future chapters I promise. Taloolah xx**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Twilight, I just borrow Stephanie Meyer's characters and make them do naughty things to each other for the enjoyment of you guys.**

CPoV

The street is dark, the moon shrouded in cloud, as I wonder along hiding from everyone. I am hungry, very hungry. A darkly delicious scent suddenly hits me as I turn down yet another deserted street. I follow it eagerly as if entranced and enslaved by it. I can hear the slow but steady beat of a young heart.

Forcing myself to stop, I look out into the darkness. A little way ahead of me I see a young woman. She is sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped around her knees. I crouch in the darkness and watch her. Her head is resting on her knees and as she lifts it I catch a glimpse of reflection as a solitary tear rolls down her cheek.

In my life as a human I would have rushed to her side to see if there was anything I could do to help her but that is not an option, not now! Instead I must force myself to stay away from her. I must battle against the surge of need that is coursing its way through my body. The desire I have for her must be stopped.

I crouch, still as death, listening to her beating heart and taking in the delicious scent of her blood. My desire is fighting me for control. The monster within me wants to skilfully pounce upon her and drain every last drop of blood from her nimble body. To feel the warm elixir of life run down my throat as the last beat of her heart fills the silence. I want to caress that tender flesh and feel the warmth that it provides. My inner monster wants to sate my hunger and desires on this fragile human, to make her mine for eternity.

I can't. I won't. I am not a monster!

I take three, now unnecessary, deep breaths and try to regain control of the monster which threatens to overpower me. I focus on what is left of my humanity and begin watching the girl again. She seems cold and miserable on this dark night. I can hear her sobbing as she sits alone on the damp and dreary street. I begin to wonder how she came to be here. Why this street? Why this time? Does she have a family? Is nobody looking for her? Will she be missed?

With my last question I feel the monster trying to control me again. Wanting to do the one thing I will not allow. I cannot and will not kill an innocent person. There is another way and as difficult as it may be for me, for him. I will not let the monster rule my actions. My soul may have been taken from me but I am not willing to allow my last drop of humanity to be taken from me too.

In defiance of the turmoil within I turn myself away from her shadowy form and force my feet along the path away from her. Each step is a torture. I force myself to keep walking, to increase the distance between us. It seems like every cell in my body wants me to turn and head towards her but I am determined to win this battle.

When I am at what I deem to be a safe distance I stop and turn back to look at her. The clouds have parted a little and her features are illuminated by the moonlight. I see now that she is perfect. Her softly flowing hair falls in curls that pool around her shoulders. There is a flush to her cheeks as they reflect the moisture of her tears. She turns to stare up the street and I see the most beautiful eyes. They are deep and soulful with a youthful sparkle that is merely accentuated by the moisture of her upset.

Her body is slight but feminine. The roundness of her breasts is just visible as she curls herself up into an even tighter bundle. As I gaze at her it occurs to me that she looks as if she is trying to stop herself from falling apart. The turmoil that she is obviously feeling emanates from her and a wave of sorrow snakes its way along the street towards me. It seems to be licking at all the dark corners and makes the night suddenly seem even colder.

In the dark, a shadow moves and the girl jumps to her feet. She frantically looks around but to no avail. Her fragile human eyes cannot see anything. She begins walking away from me. There is an alley further along the street and it seems that she is heading for that. The monster within me wants to follow but I am not going to let him win. It would be easy to capture her once she enters the narrow passage that leads to the river. Her feeble attempts at escape would be pointless and her blood would be mine. Her blood and her body would be mine to do with whatever I pleased.

No! I hang my head in shame as I banish those thoughts to the back of my mind. This is not who I am. This is not what I want to be. I was good once and I am not going to let that goodness evaporate. I am not going to be consumed by this thirst that plagues me now. I begin walking away from that street. If I am away from such temptations then there will be no need for me to worry about hurting innocents.

My mind is made up. I will leave this place, never to return. If that means that I have to keep walking and never stop then so be it. I will not hurt a human. It is not what I want to be. I am destined to live a life of loneliness and even though that is not what I want, it is what I am willing to do in order to protect mankind from the monster I am bound to become.

Suddenly a shrill scream fills the air. I spin around and face the direction of the painful sound. My worst fears are realised as the scream comes again. It is coming from the direction of the alleyway at the end of the street, the same alleyway that the girl turned down. I start running and before I know it I am standing at the opening of the narrow passage. The screams have stopped. There is a strange smell in the air, a smell I do not recognise. It isn't the only smell though as the metallic sweetness of blood fills the thick air around me.

The rational part of me knows I should turn away and leave this place. The draw of the blood is too much and the screams sounded like it was too late for me to help now anyway. The human in me wants to run and fetch help or check if she's alright but the monster, he wants something else. He wants to taste the delicious blood that is filling his senses. His motives are dark and unsavoury. There is no concept of helping or rescuing her. The only emotion is hunger, hunger for blood.

As the battle continues within, I find myself taking quick steps into the dark space ahead. I am unsure which part of me is winning right now but I no longer care. I creep through the dark, listening for danger. I hear a faint heartbeat but know that it is close to death. As I close the distance between us I realise that she is not alone in the dark. There is a man by her side. He has no heart beat! He is not human, at least not anymore. He is a monster just like me.

As I approach he turns to me and stares with his red eyes. I stop and look at him. The girl drops from his arms as he licks a drop of blood from his full lips. His smile is tinged with the red of blood as his gaze fixes on me. I listen but there is no sound at all now. The only beating heart has stopped. The girl I so desperately wanted to kill is dead but not by my hand. He has drained her of all her blood and left her on the floor like some rag doll.

I want to attack him but something stops me. He has not yet looked away from me and there is something drawing us together.

"Bonjour! My name is Laurent and you are?"

The treacle tones of his voice set my cold skin on fire and although I abhor everything that he is and that he does, I know I can not keep away from him. Not now! Not ever!


	2. Temptation and Desire

CPoV

I stare into the red eyes that I have come to know so well over the last week. They are deep and powerful in the way that they stare back at me. Their colour taunts me in ways I do not want to think about. They are a symbol of everything that I don't want to be yet they are a beacon for all the things that my body yearns for.

I am resolute in my decision to not become the monster that could so easily take over me. It is not an option for me. The thought of killing a human is repulsive in my rational thoughts. My rational thoughts, the ones that I hope to hold on to are what see me through the long days and the torturous nights. I will not give in to my desires even though Laurent tempts me everyday.

"Mon Cherie I still do not understand why you insist on being so stubborn!" Laurent looks at me with a hint of a smile on his lips. "You sit here in your tortured silence and you think and worry, worry and think! I can show you the correct way you know that!"

"Laurent, I have already told you that I am not going to become a monster. I can't! I won't!" Laurent stands and in a flash he has me pinned against the bare brick wall that surrounds us.

"Am I a monster? Look deep into these eyes and tell me. Am I a monster? Is that what you think of me?" He stares at me, unblinking. I allow myself to get lost in the ruby glow that bores into the remnants of my soul. At first I see an abhoration, a curse on humanity, but then I see a beautiful man who awakens my senses in ways I never knew possible. "So Carlisle, am I a monster?" I look at him and decide that I have to answer honestly.

"Laurent, you know I do not agree with your lifestyle but when I look at you I do not see a monster. I see a man who can change, who can become a better person, if he is given the right guidance. I think that I may be the guidance you need. I know there is another way, another path to follow and together we can overcome the difficulties!"

Laurent holds my gaze as a smile stretches across his features. Soon he is laughing loudly, his whole body shaking as he does so. "Carlisle you know that I am not going to change. I have been like this for much longer than I care to remember and I like my life." A deep laugh resonates around us as Laurent pulls away from me.

I feel a sudden loss as he turns to walk away from me. My body yearns for him to be close once again. These feelings are difficult to deal with for me. I have never felt this close to anyone before. My rational brain tells me that it is wrong but the irrational part of me is screaming that it is so very right. It is that part of me that threatens my future. I have chosen a path and I have all intentions of following it but I fear that my feelings for Laurent are going to make my journey very difficult.

"I need to feed. Carlisle are you coming with me? You know that you want to. It's what you need." Laurent looks at me and the nagging inside me begins. He really shouldn't tempt me in this way and he knows that. It would seem that he gets some sort of pleasure from my inner torture.

Slim fingers reach out towards me as Laurent leans in to stroke my cheek. His red eyes seem to be sparkling as he looks at me. I feel the urge to reach for him and place my lips on his but I manage to resist. Instead I simply look into those beautiful features and pray for salvation.

A brief second longer then Laurent turns and is gone. I know I should try and stop him but I don't yet have the strength. If I follow him I know that I will be unable to control my unnatural desires. The smell of the blood will lure me too much and that is a temptation I am not strong enough to deal with yet.

I slump to the floor, leaning against the wall and wait for his return. I can imagine him now, attacking some innocent young girl and leaving her body cold and lifeless in an alley way. He would drain her of all her blood as he always does. To him life has no value; humans are just a container for the blood that he so desires, the soul is something to be taken. To Laurent there is only one purpose for humans and that is to provide him with the nectar of life he so desires.

I sit and stare into the empty room in front of me and I wait. I wait for Laurent to return. A sombre mood threatens to overtake me. I feel so powerless in my situation. Physically, I am the most powerful predator in existence but mentally I am unable to stop the atrocity that I know is occurring not far away from here.

It seems to be an eternity before I hear his footsteps heading back towards me. The scent of Laurent is mixed with that of a fresh floral sweetness. I can detect notes of rose petal and maybe geranium. It is faint but I know exactly where it has come from. Laurent favours young girls and it seems tonight has been no different.

He enters the room and the fresh glow in his eyes shows that he is fully satisfied. There is a look of exhilaration about him as there always is after he feeds. As he gets closer I pick up the scent of something much sweeter. Something that my body yearns for but my humanity is willing to deny. The sickly sweet smell of blood loiters around Laurent and as he comes closer to me it surrounds me. The sweet taste of fresh blood engulfs me and makes me yearn for the sweet nectar.

Laurent sees the look of desire on my face and he strides over to me. I stand up in time for him to press me back against the wall again. "It would seem to me that there is something you want Carlisle." I take in the glorious aroma that curls and twists around me. Laurent leans forward and looks directly into my eyes. "You know you want to taste the blood and I am the man who can help you to do just that. Let me show you the way Carlisle." I begin to shake my head but Laurent stops me.

His lips touch mine and I can taste the blood still in his mouth. It is without hesitation that I am the one to deepen our kiss. The blood that stains his lips sends shivers down my spine and the monster I have tried to hold back is freed. I feel a surge of energy as our tongues meet. He has me pinned to the wall and I like it. I am not able to stop myself now. The scent of blood, human blood, has unleashed something terrible within me. I need this man. I want to feel him close to me. I am a monster now and at this moment in time I really do not care.

Laurent pulls away from me and I reach out to grab him. I don't want our contact to end. I pull him down to the floor where he lands on top of me. We kiss again and I am not going to let him go. I run my hands through his hair and across his cheek. He moans into my mouth as we continue to kiss. The sound makes me want him even more. I shift my weight and roll so that I am on top of him. It is a battle of strength between us and we are both determined to win.

The scent of sweet blood fills the air between us and I bathe in its darkness. Tendrils of evil weave their way through my senses as I greedily snake my arms around Laurent. I feel him strain against me, trying to move but I am unwilling to submit. Our battle continues as I kiss him again. He pulls his sweet lips from mine but I will not allow our kiss to end. I am in charge now and he needs to know that. Sweet submissive me has been silenced by the monster I tried so hard to hold back.

"Please stop this Carlisle!" Laurent says as he manages to pull his lips free from mine.

"Laurent, you have unleashed my dark side. That's what you wanted isn't it? I mean you wanted me to embrace my true self, the monster that I am. Well now I am that monster and I'm going to show you exactly what darkness you bring out in me."

Laurent shudders at the strength of my words and he knows that I am going to win this battle. He had been unaware of my strength until now. My passion had stayed hidden until now and the true extent of my darkness is frightening even to me.

I feel the need to kiss Laurent again. He has begun to sit up so I force him back down onto the floor. I pin his wrists against the cold stone and place my lips passionately on his. At first he tries to resist but soon he succumbs to my will. We kiss passionately as our tongues meet. We continue kissing as I release Laurent's wrists from my steel grip. My hands roam his wide chest as his reach down to take a firm grip on my buttocks.

Neither of us is willing to relinquish power to the other but we both know that this cannot continue if neither of us is able to submit. Our battle continues as each one tries to gain control of the other. I am stronger than Laurent and he knows it but it isn't within him to be beaten. His hands move over my body causing a moan to escape my lips. He brushes his fingers against my erection and an involuntary gasp leaves me.

A sly smile causes the corners of his lips to curl up. He knows he has found my weakness. I am stronger than him but my I am less experienced than he is. Each touch of his fingers sends shivers down my spine and I can feel my power over him ebbing away. I know I have to rake control of him and suddenly the means of that control comes to me.

With lightening fast movements I jump up and reach for the rope I have spotted in the corner of the room. Laurent jumps to his feet but not quickly enough to stop me. I leap at him and force him back against the wall. I kiss him fiercely as I bind his wrists behind his back. Laurent is too shocked to try and stop me. I know that he is capable of escaping from his tethers easily but he seems to have no desire to do so.

I pull away from him knowing that I need something that even Laurent can't give me. Laurent senses my need and a chuckle escapes his lips. I look at him, knowing what he is thinking.

"There is only one way to sate your thirst Mon Cherie and you know what it is. I can give you the physical pleasure you desire but I cannot give you the sweet blood that you need. You know what you have to do and I sense that you are going to do just that." A low chuckle echoes around the room and it is at that moment when I know what I have to do.

Laurent is right and now the monster has been let loose I do not have the control to be able to stop myself. I kiss Laurent one last time before heading to the door, leaving him tied up with a huge smile on his face.

"I will be back soon and then you will see just what I am capable of!" I run towards the darkened streets in search of blood to stem my thirst.

The streets are darker than normal. The moon is shrouded in cloud and the skies have a purple intensity that delights me. I stop and listen to the darkness. In the distance I can hear light footsteps and they are heading in my direction. My eyes sparkle at the thought of the meal that is making its way into my clutches. All I have to do is wait for our paths to cross.

The darkness surrounds me and I delight in it. I am truly evil and there is no way that I will allow this side of me to be subdued ever again. I crouch in the shadows and wait for fate to provide me with the blood that I so strongly desire.

The footsteps get closer and I can smell the scent of freesias. I deduce that it must be a woman. The light footsteps, the flowers and now I can hear her humming a sweet tune. Her voice has a crystalline quality to it that calls to the currently hidden part of me.

I begin to wonder what reason she can have for being out alone on a dark and dreary night like this. A woman is rarely unaccompanied but I hear only one voice, one set of footsteps and one delicate heartbeat. My imagination runs wild at the thought of her blood, running fresh within her veins. I know that the time is here, the time when I stop denying my true desires, the time when I start believing in my capacity to rise above humanity and to become the monster that I am supposed to be.

I see her small figure moving towards me. She doesn't see me but I see her clearly. Her human eyes are too weak to see me crouched in the shadows. She continues down the street humming quietly to herself. I sense that she is a little afraid to be out alone at night but she will not have to worry about that for much longer.

As she gets closer I see that her hair is a beautiful hue of light brown. It seems to sparkle in the dim light as it blows softly about her face in the evening breeze. Her eyes are dark and sensual. She has full lips that pout slightly. I gaze longingly at her and I know that I no longer wish to resist temptation. I want her!

I will have her!

She gets nearer and I prepare to pounce. She is so close now and I see her breasts heaving as she breathes deeply, unaware that she is walking to her death.


End file.
